"The One" in which I can't win

January 18, 2011 Mrs TeePot

Many many people have told me that I’m too young to settle. They have told me that I can “do better” than any man I am attracted to/date and am selling myself short. I have been told to raise my standards, that settling is a sign that I am insecure and unhappy with myself.

So now I refuse to settle. I’ve been with men who were missing key things that I wanted, be that in looks or personality, I’ve tried settling and those men are no better than the rest. So now I’m not settling, now I am refusing anything but “the one” and guess what? People are moaning at me!

Now I’m told that I’m not giving people a chance, that I shouldn’t be so picky, that I deserve to be alone because I know what I want. People now think that I’m arrogant for rejecting people, that I’m being demanding and think far too much of myself. I actually can’t win!

I don’t require specific hair colour or eye colour, I don’t care if you wear glasses or not but I refuse to marry someone if they have a tattoo or piercings, if they are lacking in confidence or intelligence, if they are insecure or vanilla. That’s my choice, that’s what I want, I’m not judging people who don’t meet those requirements but I wont be marrying them.

When I get married I will be spending every minute of my day looking after my husband, making his life easier, being the perfect wife for him so why shouldn’t I make sure that that man is perfect? That he deserves to be treated like that? I completely accept that I wont meet the requirements of a lot of men for various reasons and they have every right to those preferences, and so do I.

So I am choosing not to settle any more and you can think what you like but I deserve my idea of perfection.

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Mrs TeePot

Mrs TeePot also goes by the name Livi and is a tea drinking, chocolate munching, social networking writer. She is the Snapshot Round Up writer for Britmums and also moonlights at www.urbanvox.net adding some extra raunch to their "Fun & Frolics" column.

Latest posts by Mrs TeePot (Posts)

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dating, rant, relationship Blog

http://twitter.com/NicsNotebook Nicola

I think you’re just right!! After all, marriage is (meant to be) forever, you need to make certain you’re with the right person first.
- http://princessl.co.uk/ PrincessL
  
  Exactly, no point becoming another divorce statistic!
Anonymous

what happens if he is the perfect man but had a tattoo once, maybe he regrets it, would you consider giving him a go?! I do hope your perfect man doesn’t let you down when you finally find him, that would be a real bugger. Sometimes the imperfect ones turn out to be quite perfect!
- http://princessl.co.uk/ PrincessL
  
  If he had one once and got rid of it then it’s irrelevant because it’s not there any more. It’s just one of those things for me, I wouldn’t mind a bit of slap ‘n’ tickle with them but couldn’t take them home to the parents!
  - http://twitter.com/WeeWifie1981 Louise
    
    you do realise it takes a LOAD of money to remove a tattoo right? there’d always be better things to spend money on than tattoo removal. So what if he regretted it and wasn’t loaded to be able to afford to remove it? What if it was only a tiny tattoo, easilly hidden with everyday clothing. Say the size of a 10p coin. Just another scenario for you
    - http://princessl.co.uk/ PrincessL
      
      *thinks* I genuinely think it’d still put me off.
http://twitter.com/urbanvox urbanvox

in one side you’re right… and you shouldn’t settle for nothing less… in other side… what if Mr. Right is one that you ruled out????
- http://princessl.co.uk/ PrincessL
  
  But if he’s “ruled out” by those standards then he’s not “Mr Right” by the definition itself…
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_DM4EDBTUH3CVHMKCXE4N2SAJSE Brian Clark

there is no such as “the one”,you have to work on relationships. this involves compromise. you think just ‘cos a man (or woman ) has a tat , it changes who they are & what do you do if “Mr right ” doesn’t want to marry you?
- http://princessl.co.uk/ PrincessL
  
  I never said that “the one” = not having to work at a relationship. And if “Mr Right” doesn’t want to marry me then he’s not Mr Right, is he?!
  - http://pulse.yahoo.com/_DM4EDBTUH3CVHMKCXE4N2SAJSE Brian Clark
    
    so ,if you find someone you think is perfect , but who doesn’t want to marry you , then he isn’t “the one”.
    this tattoo thing , you have marks on your body not dissimilar to tattooing , yet you will not accept it in a man , such lack of compromise is not conducive to forming a lasting relationship.
    there is no such thing as the perfect person male or female , they only exist in literature and peoples heads, try asking married people
    - http://princessl.co.uk/ PrincessL
      
      Self harm is COMPLETELY different to tattooing because I did it to avoid committing suicide. The fact you compare the two shows how completely stupid you are.
      Aside from that I would totally understand if a man didn’t want to be with my because of my MH issues/scars/etc so why the hell am I not entitled to refuse someone on that basis? Am I expected to just be grateful that any man wants me and marry them no matter whether I like them or not?
      Again, I am not looking for the “perfect person” just the perfect person for me.
      
      If you have nothing to say but to voice your uneducated and hurtful opinions I will delete them from now on
http://www.marisworld.wordpress.com Mari

If only life were so easy! I, at your age, followed my heart and my husband turned out to be a complete nightmare BUT I learnt so much about me, about life and it changed my ‘list’ of important qualities to look for. 20 years later, again I followed my heart and I have been rewarded with the kindest and most honest soul I could have wished for. I probably wouldn’t have given him a second glance 20 years back. Now I am at peace and everything I do for us I do with pleasure. Follow your heart and accept your lessons as part of life. Everyone you meet has something to offer if you’re willing to look for it and likewise everyone you meet will be able to accept the beauty you have to offer if you let them in to find it xxx
- http://princessl.co.uk/ PrincessL
  
  Life is never easy I’ve tried following my head and my heart so far and both have ended in assholes!
  I’m genuinely not that picky, I’m totally open to people, in fact most of the people I find attractive other people think they are not at all! I find I’m not attracted to any men at all until I know their personality.
Aliquant

Who gives a toss what other people think? You win when you find the dude you want, simple.
- http://princessl.co.uk/ PrincessL
  
  Thank you sweety!
http://blogupnorth.wordpress.com Him Up North

Be prepared for a long wait… I appreciate you want Mr. Right rather than Mr. Right Now but I think really appreciating a person takes time. Mr Perfect will not come along fully formed but instead will mold to your needs, as you will to his. Good luck
- http://princessl.co.uk/ PrincessL
  
  It’s the long wait I’m not prepared for! I’m sick of waiting! I’m not even asking for love, just a decent guy!
http://twitter.com/MrsTeepot/status/27872168427659265/ Mrs TeaPot (@MrsTeepot) (@MrsTeepot) (@MrsTeepot) (@MrsTeepot) (@MrsTeepot)

@DarrenMCox http://is.gd/xENjE4
http://twitter.com/WeeWifie1981 Louise

I don’t agree in the perfect person for another person. Doesn’t exist. Everybody has flaws. Even if I guy met your requirements who is to say that after you were married you found out something you hated about them/their personality? Something if you’d known prior it would’ve meant you passed them over? What if they pretended to be uber confident which was all an act and you only found out they were mega insecure a few years down the line?

Think it’s good to have IDEAS of what you want in a guy, however, saying you’d not go with a guy just coz he had no confidence or another small thing like that, is really gonna limit you hun.
- http://princessl.co.uk/ PrincessL
  
  But a guy with no confidence would be an absolute turn off for me anyway. No point being with someone who I’m not attracted to, right?
http://twitter.com/MellyDex Mel

Don’t worry about what other people think. Do what you think is best. (You will have to ignore the advice about not taking any notice of what other people think for the few minutes it takes to read what I say of course. But you can ignore everyone else.)
- http://princessl.co.uk/ PrincessL
  
  Lol! Good advice!
http://marketingtomilk.wordpress.com marketingtomilk

Rule no.1 Livi – dont’ listen to anyone else telling you what you should or ought to be doing.
Live for Livi!
M2M
- http://princessl.co.uk/ PrincessL
  
  Hehe! Thanks hun!