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Mrs TeePot

Hair-gate, mark 2

July 17, 2011 Mrs TeePot

So my weekend mostly sucked. The constant packing and changing and stuff going on is playing havoc with my mental health. It’s a well known trigger for me, stress, and I am currently drowning in it. Despite anti-depressants, beta blockers and pints of rescue remedy, yesterday morning I found myself in a desperate hunt for my shaver and now find myself minus my month or so’s worth of hair.

Disappointed doesn’t cover it. I was so proud that I’d got to a point where I could feel hair on my head again without panicking, run my hands through it without trying to pull it out and generally look like a normal human being. I was planning how I could have my hair when it grew out a bit more, plans for Victory Rolls, or sleek bobs, pondering whether to stay blonde or dye it the apple red of my wig. Now I’m back to square one, again.

I know I embraced it last time but I don’t think I have the energy to sell it to myself this time around. I am using all my spoons to pack and not have a full on breakdown. I spent 9 hours of Sunday in bed, sleeping on and off, tweeting from my phone, feeling angry and upset and unable to cry.

I’m exhausted. Truly, completely, exhausted. Twice in the last week I have prayed that I wouldn’t wake up in the morning because it’s all just too much. Twice I have woken up and been genuinely heartbroken that my prayers weren’t answered. I don’t have anything left. That picture is the closest I could get to a smile because I just do not have the strength to move my facial muscles.

Why people consider depression a mental illness is beyond me because the physical symptoms are so awful. Fatigue, aching muscles, fatigue, loss of appetite, and did I mention fatigue? It could be the flu, it could be glandular fever, it could be something more deadly, if you took those symptoms to a doctor it could well be a physical illness. So if anyone tells me to “cheer up,” or similar be prepared to get told where to stick your opinion.

Mrs TeePot

Mrs TeePot also goes by the name Livi and is a tea drinking, chocolate munching, social networking writer. She is the Snapshot Round Up writer for Britmums and also moonlights at www.urbanvox.net adding some extra raunch to their "Fun & Frolics" column.

Latest posts by Mrs TeePot (Posts)

Borderline, Depression

  • http://www.mollysdailykiss.com Molly

    Anyone who tells you to ‘pull yourself to together’ or some version of that, has no idea what depression and mental illness is like. There is nothing earth shattering I can say here that will make you better but I know you can get through this, I really truly believe that and believe in your strength to do it and I hope you are feeling better soon.

    Mollyxxx

    • Mrs TeePot

      Thanks sweety

  • diversejustice

    You’ve acted out on a “Spontanous phase” of the illness, nothing to be ashameed of. 3 years ago when I took a major breakdown I had those same urges to cut all my hair off. It’s probably good that you acted out in that way rather than carrying a life time of scar’s through self harm. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but this past few weeks there have been a few sufferers tweeting their frustrations on the fatigue symtoms. Fatigue is like a plauge the more you fight it the more it want’s to stay clinging on. The only way i’ve accepted that symtom is to say! to myself and in some cases repeatedly is that the body is just going into a “contentment phase”. To much energy fighting the fatigue just lets it drag on more.

  • Lada MacManus

    Ugh, what a mess.
    I have fatigue due to depression & physical BS and it is the worst. Problem is these days you go in complaining of fatigue and most docs will tell you it’s depression without investigating any other possible causes. Wish I knew of some good ways to cope with it but most involve pacing which isn’t very compatible with moving on someone else’s deadline.
    I know depression is the big deal right now but can you try bigger guns for the anxiety? (why most doctors are so attached to beta-blockers and anti-histamines I may never understand.)
    *offers a hug*
    Jerks will be jerks, sadly enough.

  • Steve (SJF102)

    Afternoon . . sorry for being late to the party (i like to make a grand entrance)

    In reply to you “telling someone who says cheer up what for” I think people only say that when they have nothing else they can say but feel the need to say something. I know it’s hard (i’m not as bad) There’s been plenty of times when i’ve been disappointed to have woken up and sometimes that’s the only good/bad thing to have happened that particular day, but then something happens that makes me glad to still be alive and all is forgotten. One second at a time one min, one hour, one day, one week,one month etc is the only way to go. Ignore (if you can) the people that are negative as the people that matter wont say owt and those that do, don’t matter.

    Steve :-D
    xxxx
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